"why are you spending time doing all of this nonsense?"

"you can't make a career out of the football stuff that you're doing"

sometimes i recognise that it's very unconventional for a fully-vietnamese-born dude like me to do what i am currently doing, most of the time it's someone who has vietnamese heritage but was born in a western country and developed an interest in football analytics.

the imposter syndrome is there and is real.

there is absolutely no reason for someone like me to do the stuff that i am doing.

there is no one from my culture who has trekked the path that i am walking on.

i have seen people who i once looked up to leaving football as a whole to do something else.

so, why am i still here?...

reality never hit harder when i was rejected by football australia cause of my visa situation. something that i have no control over.

not even a chance to explain my situation. not even a chance to show what i can do. nope. instant rejection.

honestly, that destroyed me and it still hurts talking about it now.

everything that i've done. every projects that i've spent countless hours on. those sleepless nights staying up late to push through projects. none of that matter even a single bit.

like every trauma, i guess that has changed me. i've become so numb to being rejected by the football world, it's like the bar is so low that it's hard to feel disappointed when there's even nothing to begin with.

empty promises. fake compliments. hollow 'keep in touch' messages. linkedin invitations to connect just to pump up the numbers. do all of those things have any meaning to it?

at the end of the day, football is an idealistic industry. people who have the loudest voice can say and do whatever. i guess my voice is just not loud enough.

i think that has also changed me for the better.

that fire in me is still burning, but it's now burning with eagerness to prove a point.

just like how tim let his music spoke for himself, i'll let my work speak for me.

just gotta ignore the crave to create content for engagement.

just gotta ignore the numbers.

create things for the betterment of yourself and to keep that fire burning.

i cherish the people who have had an impact on me, and the people who are willing to give me an opportunity to prove myself.

i don't take everything for granted and i want to prove that i deserve the opportunity.

why?

because those people put their trust in me and see past all of the surface problems to see who i am and what i can do.

it's so hard to find people like that nowadays, so i value those people even more. especially in a society where everyone is wearing a mask.

in the end, i just want to be able to do cool things and create amazing stuff that can help and improve something.

i am too tired of the politics shit cause i don't have the energy to deal with that shit.

i would rather use that energy to make a difference in someone's world and do something positive.

is that too much to ask?

to my past self, ignore the doubters and keep going. all of your effort will be worth it. always remember that there's at least one person cheering you on, and that's me.

to my future self, i hope you are at a better place than where i am now. never forget where you came from, never forget those darkest moments, cause without them you will never be where you are today. stay grounded, and keep reaching for the stars.

your biggest supporter,

me.